By: Amalie Paris - Posted on: 02/12/2010

Unleashed: The True Story of a Recovering Serial Monogamist

Introduction to the “Social Experiment”

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Amalie Paris, and I am a licensed attorney (full-time), and part-time model, actress, writer, and all around artist. I am also a former serial monogamist (with admittedly poor choices). They say that once you identify a problem, you can solve it – so here goes:

Until recently, I have gone from one serious, committed, long-term relationship to another. My first started at the age of sixteen and went for over eight years. My second lasted over five years. These relationships truly should not have dragged out –half-dead- for as long as they did, but in my youth and serious naiveté, I thought things would change – that people (ehem, the boys) could change and that, most importantly, they wanted to change (also, I must now admit, the sex was pretty fucking good).

What I have finally learned, through a serious of unfortunate circumstances, is that I simply cannot transform the person I am dating into what I think I want, nor should I change whom I am in order to make the relationship work.

Both of these are crucial points.

Just recently, I got out of an eight-month relationship with a good guy who just was not the One for me. Unfortunately, he did not agree and I broke his heart (completely unintentional but these things tend to happen). These breakups are the absolute worst kind. BUT, this time I had had no desire to lie to myself about the alleged potential success of the relationship (or lack thereof).

I refuse to make these mistakes again. I am who I am, like who I am, and I put myself first. I encourage my girl (and guy) friends to put themselves first. Be honest with yourself and others. How can people truly decide whether they like you if they don’t know who you are – if YOU don’t know who you are?? If you can’t be 110% brutally honest with yourself, live with your decisions and learn from them, just give up now and don’t blame your friends for not knowing you. Life is short. It can end tomorrow.

I admit, I make mistakes all the time, I would prefer to not make the same ones over and over – at least then I can say, ah well, at least it was a different mistake this time (meaning, I LEARNED from the last one). So when I broke up with Good Guy, I decided to give myself a break. A serious one. A collateral benefit (to others) will be that I won’t break any more hearts – at least, not intentionally. Men have only themselves to blame if they ignore what I have been up-front with them about regarding my wants and needs.

My intention, in the end, is to find a husband. To eventually settle down with a truly good man, my match in every way. To be content and happy with him, and not want (or feel the need) to be with someone else. That’s not to say that I won’t appreciate the opposite sex – I may be married; I won’t be dead. I’ve never really had the opportunity to date, to see what’s out there, what personalities exist… I never took the time to meet different types and styles of men… I simply don’t yet have the experience to say, THIS is the right man and THIS is why.

So let’s be realistic. In order to do this, I have to be true to myself, what I want, and more importantly, what I NEED in a relationship… and in a man. If I don’t look out for myself, my needs, and my desires, who will?

That being said, I am conducting a personal, social experiment in order to become a stronger, smarter, and better person. I am testing those rules and boundaries. I want to have fun, enjoy everything life has to offer, and learn about myself. As such, for the first time since the tender young age of sixteen, I am going to be relationship-free for at least six months (though definitely not boy-free). Some of you may scoff at the short length of time, but I assure you… For me, that length of time is forever. And who knows? Maybe I’ll want to extend it…

In the meantime, some of my friends who know my history (and addiction to relationships) don’t believe that I will survive the full six months. Being stubborn and having to always be right (and/or win), I now consider it a challenge.

My goal: To learn as much as I possibly can about myself, other men, their quirks and personalities, how I react to them, and to grow personally from all this – intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. I plan on pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone as far as possible so that I can truly identify where my limits are and where I would like them to be.

And I’ve already begun. Oh boy, have I.

My friend Kay and I began this journey at the beginning of Summer 2010, and I have taken it very seriously. We created a ‘Bucket List’ as to what we wanted to accomplish this summer to help increase our feeling of self-worth (and self-efficacy) and decrease the unnecessary weight of guilt for our choices (both large and small). This ‘Bucket List’ includes people, places, events, actions, places involving people, actions involving people, events involving people… some innocent, other much more naughty. At times, it may seem like I am objectifying men (what woman doesn’t), but in all honesty, get over it. People objectify the opposite sex all the time (some more regularly than others).

Up until now (my official “start date”), I have had, on average, four dates a week. Each boy has their own personality, and surprisingly, one is younger, three are older, and NOT ONE is in my age group. I’m sure this will only expand as time goes by. I promise to keep you updated for as long as it remains juicy. I would never want boredom or staleness to ever rear its ugly head… Ugly heads are not permitted in my world.

As you are taking a peek into my universe, please feel free to comment, make suggestions, or even ask questions. I’ll do what I can to share my journeys with you.

Welcome to my party – lay back, relax, and enjoy the ride!!

Until next time,
Amalie Paris

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  • Maura

    It sounds like you haven’t really been in love yet – do you think you will find it this way?

  • Bunnydrvr

    I counsel relationship addictions. Even having a boy on the side will fill your need and you’ll still be using. I suggest no boys or girls whatsoever, not even tea or coffee for 12 months to really break your pattern. Plus much therapy to get over fear of being emotionally vulnerable. I hope this helps.

  • Bunnydrvr

    I counsel relationship addictions. Even having a boy on the side will fill your need and you’ll still be using. I suggest no boys or girls whatsoever, not even tea or coffee for 12 months to really break your pattern. Plus much therapy to get over fear of being emotionally vulnerable. I hope this helps.

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