I have been dating a man for 7 months, he just got out of a 4yr relationship, he use to flirt and touch me and we had sex when we seen each other for the first two 1/2 months, then he started having problems getting a hard on, which is normal at his age 57, i am 51. then out of the blue he wont even touch my breast or have sex with me and wont let me touch him, he says its a mental blcok, and its embarrassing about the problem getting hard, I have been supportive and understanding, we sont talk about it, he gets defensive, but i say after 3 months he should at least be trying to touch me and try to get a hard on. Its like his desire is gone, he loves to kiss, hold hands and cuddle, but thats it, he wont even let me touch him or even try oral sex, i think he has another sex partner as we only see each other on weekends because of his work schedule, but at one time he was talking to a married woman. I have been understanding, not brought it up that he wont touch me, and I told him I dont have to have sex, but I need to know the desire is there, but how long is long enough to wait to talk to him about this or say enough is enough. I honestly dont understand his not even wanting to touch me at all, or me touch him. somebody please help me am i crazy in thinking he should be at least trying ??
Go ahead, have some fun
oohlookasquirrelover a year ago
Answer 1 of 2
He might just be nervous and embarrassed. If he had a hard time keeping it up once or twice, he may be worried that it's going to happen again if he initiates something, and so he's staying safe and not risking embarrassment. There's nothing that kills a boner faster than worrying about being able to keep it up.
I think you need to let him know that you want more sexual contact. Waiting for him to initiate it is clearly not working. Try to initiate some sexy time, and if he doesn't want you to touch him, tell him that you miss being intimate with him and you'd like to know what's wrong if you're going to keep seeing each other. Make sure you say these things out of concern, not as a confrontation. If he won't tell you what's wrong and he can't tell you when he'll be interested in sex again, you should tell him that you need to feel sexually desired if you're going to stick with him, and you can wait awhile, but you need to know what you're waiting for and if there's something you can do to help move him in the right direction.
If it's really just about his cock not being as reliable as he'd like it to be, there are a number of pills that can help him with that. No shame in that, a ton of people use them. There are also a ton of sexy things that the two of you could do together without his cock being hard, and you should try them. Tell him beforehand that you just want to spend some sexual time together and he can keep his pants on if he wants to, no need for an erection. Do some sexy things together (watch a naughty movie, give each other massages, touch yourself while he watches or helps). And if he does get an erection, hooray! If he loses it when he thinks he needs it, assure him it's OK and have him use his mouth and fingers and whatever toys you have on you to make sure you get off. As long as you keep the mood sexy and keep insisting that his erection is not essential for you to have a great time with him, he can learn to stress out about his erection less and hopefully get over his problem. Talking dirty together is a great way to keep you both in a sexual mood instead of focusing on what his dick is doing. If sex stops entirely when he loses his erection, it's understandable that he'd be stressed about a repeat of a bad experience.
ratman84over a year ago
Answer 2 of 2
I would just be up front with him. Ask him where your relationship is headed instead of attacking his lack of sexual interest. He may just enjoy the companionship and idea of having someone there. Or he also may be embarrassed with the previous sexual encounter you had together. If you are interested in keeping a casual relationship with him, and if he truly is seeing other people as well, why are you not out dating others as well? Not in spite of him, but to have other options or see where someone else might take you too. If you're waiting around for him to figure out his issues, phsyical and/or emotional, I would move on if I were you. No man or woman, at any age, is worth waiting around for.