The Meaning of Dating


How do I know if we are exclusively dating?

I've been dating this guy for a month, and I don't know if I should consider him my boyfriend. I want to know what he's thinking but I don't know how to ask him because I want him to ask me first. How do you guys go about making your relationship clear and official? stop being so mysterious!


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MissWrongover a year ago

Answer 1 of 4

Make it spontaneous

I like TennisPlaya's advice but mostly because I'm a spontaneous person. I would just throw it out there randomly.

I figure it's already an awkward topic so instead of trying to avoid the awkwardness or pretending it doesn't exist, I instead embrace it. So instead of smoothly trying to take a conversation into the topic or somehow try and get him to bring it up....I'll just randomly throw it out there.

Watch a movie that revolves around relationships...maybe "chick flick" like The Notebook or whatever. Then just randomly be like, "So are we boyfriend and girlfriend?" I think you'll be able to tell how he feels about you simply based on his body language and response. If it's a natural and simple answer then he's not trying to avoid anything. If he's awkward, taken back, caught off guard, and tries to avoid saying "yes" but at the same time avoid saying "no", then I think you have a guy who doesn't want any labels and you really need to start discussing things further.

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tennisplayaover a year ago

Answer 2 of 4

Sexpert had some really good advice... s...

Sexpert had some really good advice... sometimes exclusivity happens on its own but other times you have to have the conversation. See you need to see where each of you stands and what you want out of the relationship. Even though you think you're the only person he's seeing you can't really now for sure until you have a talk. And yes it can be awkward but its worth it.

I'm not the smoothest person when it comes to confrontations, but after 3 months of dating my old boyfriend without a label I thought it was time to bring it up.. so I flat out asked him "So... am I your girlfiriend?" Awkward, I know... but it was only weird for 10 seconds, and after he said yes I was really happy to get the uncertainty cleared up.

If you don't want to be the first to ask, you can try dropping hints, but sometimes guys don't always pick up on subtle so its best to be direct.

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sexpertover a year ago

Answer 3 of 4

Something that I learned from the queer/poly community...

I have lots of friends that are polyamorous (are physically, and often emotionally involved with more than one person at once), and this is more common, though not exclusive, to the gay community. In the gay community, there is also less of an expectation that a relationship has to be emotional, or has to be monogamous.

Because of this, even if I am dating a straight guy in a rather traditional way, I still end up having a conversation about what the ideal relationship is to him. We talk about what love means, how does he feel about commitment, and how he wants us to work. Many people have different ideals in terms of what they expect from their partner physically, emotionally, and in terms of commitment/monogamy.

If you are uncomfortable asking him what he thinks about you guy in particular right at this moment (because you might be scared he will answer something that you may not like, or you might be perceived as too commitment-happy and needy), then try talking about what you like your relationships like to be in general. What is he looking for?

Does he want a best friend to spend his time with and fall in love with? Does he want to explore and experiment with someone to help him discover who he is? Does he want to find the future mother of his children? Does he want someone to care for him when he gets sick and lonely?

Sometimes talking about vague general attitudes towards relationships can help you talk about things without personalizing it to you two, and that can make it less threatening. It is also just a natural part of the "getting to know you" phase of a relationship where you go past just surface details "he takes cream in his coffee and is good at bowling" and gets to the heart of who he is, what he is looking for, and what he sees women, and specifically you, as.

If he gets super uncomfortable even making vague generalizations, then don't ask him about you two. If he is comfortable saying that he's looking for someone to make him feel special, then you can ask if you are the type of person that makes him feel special and work from there.

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Strongfpover a year ago

Answer 4 of 4

Not set ammount of time...

There is no set ammount of time to say when you two are officially in a relatinship. Although you are in a relationship now, you are asking if it's a boyfriend and girlfriend type deal.
It all depends on a mutual decision, generally the guy should ask you to be his girl, it's just like marraige, unless the girl loves the guy so much and asks to be his girl, then the guy traditionall should ask it.

Two out of my three relationships I have been in, well my serious ones, I asked the girl to be my girlfriend, my last one I was so unsure about it all and she just brougt up the subject asking me "So when do we know we are official?"

We talked for a bit more and we just came to the conclusion that yes we are boyfriend, girlfriend, but she was young and it freaked her out, we broke up twice and got back together and just figured out not to put labels.

The thing is you shouldn't be putting labels on to early in a relationship, just enjoy one anothers company really, and when he feels right he will ask or it will just so happen that others will label you and it will just stick.

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