Breaking Up

Q:

Thinking of Someone Else During Sex

I've been with my girlfriend for a while now, about 2 years. We've been having problems for the past couple months and we fight all the time but we do still love each other. I've never cheated on her, but recently I've found myself thinking of other girls when we have sex. In particular this one girl, I hooked up with in the past, and am still really attracted to. I know, it's fucked up...I don't know why this is happening.

I can't help but think this is a sign that I should break up with her. I don't know what to do. Anyone?

Thinkr148


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Fork in Road

Fork in Roadover a year ago

Answer 1 of 16

There's nothing wrong with it. There's ...

There's nothing wrong with it. There's no way to control it either. It's my little secret that my mind sometimes drifts and thinks about a naked Jennifer Aniston while I'm having sex. I'm not going to tell my wife about it but it's not like I don't love her or I am losing interest in her. I'm sure it happens with her too.

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sexpert

sexpertover a year ago

Answer 2 of 16

Just to summarize what everyone else sai...

Just to summarize what everyone else said, thinking about other girls isn't the problem, that's normal. Fighting is a problem though, and yeah, you and your gf should work through those issues.

this could involve having really honest and real conversations about your future together, making sure that when you're fighting, you're actually fighting about what you're fighting about (ex: bitching about the dishes when you're really angry that she doesn't spend enough time with you).

It's okay to hit rough patches. It's okay to say "we're going through something, but I am 100% committed to you, and I would rather work this out than just give up". Sometimes people are scared to address problems in the relationship, because to admit the problem is to tempt the end of the relationship. No, it's the other way around. As long as you both start off saying that you're willing to work through it, and what's happening is something that can be overcome, then you have a pretty good chance of success.

If you do indeed want things to work with your gf, recognize that this other girl is a temptation for you, so I wouldn't plan to meet up and be alone with her any time soon, or make it seem like you are open to fooling around with her. It's okay to be tempted, it's not okay to set yourself up for failure (ie: cheating on your present gf).

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ma4t

ma4tover a year ago

Answer 3 of 16

My significant other has never quite fig...

My significant other has never quite figured out why we always have an incredible evening after we watch gymnastics or figure skating.

And she has never wondered why I don't mind watching them with her. I won't watch her reality shows, gossip shows, or soaps. But I'll watch limber girls doing acrobatic tricks any day.

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PinkRoses

PinkRosesover a year ago

Answer 4 of 16

If you think that guys are the only ones...

If you think that guys are the only ones who do this then you're in for a shocker. Just like Santa Clause is a fairy tale, so is the happy place in your male mind that your girlfriend or wife is only thinking about you during sex.

The reality is, we have just as many dirty thoughts and fantasies as the male species (if not more). When I've been having sex with the same guy for years, it's going to be completely natural for me to think about that hot actor that was in the movie that we saw earlier.

Don't feel guilty as long as you still love me :)

Great Answer! (1)

LookSee

LookSeeover a year ago

Answer 5 of 16

Don't feel like a complete prat for thin...

Don't feel like a complete prat for thing about other woman. It happens, you can't help when randomly pops into your head. My advice is to talk to your girlfriend about it, maybe there is something she can do thats different? It seems that most of the time when people think of others, ( and they're still very much in love ) its' because they have fallen into the same old sex. Your sex might be great, but maybe the two of you should spice it up? c:

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icantcontrol

icantcontrolover a year ago

Answer 6 of 16

Its normal to imagine and everybody do t...

Its normal to imagine and everybody do that, that's why people like to have sex in dark. If you don't imagine then may be its very hard to live with only one partner whole life.

Great Answer! (1)

oohlookasquirrel

oohlookasquirrelover a year ago

Answer 7 of 16

It is impossible to avoid fantasizing ab...

It is impossible to avoid fantasizing about people other than your partner, during sex or by yourself, if you are in a long-term relationship. Even if you try to keep things fresh and exciting in bed, you can't help what turns you on, whether it is past partners or a celebrities or a kinky sex act you'd like to try but haven't. There's nothing wrong with it, but you'll probably offend your partner if you admit to it. An active fantasy life is a healthy part of great relationships and it doesn't mean that you need to break up. Then again, there may be other problems with your relationship that you didn't mention, and it may be true that you need to break up, but for other reasons. If you're missing a different style of sex, you could at least try experimenting with your current partner to see if you can get the sort of thing you've been fantasizing about with her.

Great Answer! (3)

TheFictionILive

TheFictionILiveover a year ago

Answer 8 of 16

I thought thats what masturbation was fo...

I thought thats what masturbation was for? ...Am I the only one who had never done this? I have honestly never thought of someone other than who I was have sex with. I think stilllearing makes a good point that its a viable reason for abstinence. But I'm on the other side of the scale from abstinence and I've never had a problem.

Great Answer! (1)

stillearning

stillearningover a year ago

Answer 9 of 16

I beleive this should be no suprise if y...

I beleive this should be no suprise if you've been intimate with more than one person, and is one reason for abstinence before marriage.

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Studley Do Right

Studley Do Rightover a year ago

Answer 10 of 16

I don't know about anyone else but I kno...

I don't know about anyone else but I know from myself and talking with a bunch of my guy friends, it's pretty damn normal to think of a different girl while having sex with your wife or girlfriend. I mean after having the same sex with the same person for months after months or years after years, I think it would be normal for your mind to drift and fantasize about having Jennifer Anniston or Meghan Fox being the on top of you.

The fact that you have gone 2 years of having sex with the same girl and not once thought of another girl is kinda weird to me. This sites anonymous, so you don't have to lie on here also. Maybe to people you know in person but lets be honest, you NEVER thought of another girl in those 2 years??? weeeiiirrdd man

And should you break up with her because of that?? Are you serious?? If you are willing to even consider something of that magnitude on such a small notion, than that's a problem alone. Maybe if your girlfriend is talking to other guys, boring you, not fulfilling your needs, not supporting you, etc. then sure it's a thought. But come on, if all of that is good to go then I think you are better off than 95% of the men in relationships right now. I think the majority of men WISH the only issue they had is having to fantasize about some hot supermodel once in a while to keep things exciting for them in the bedroom.

Great Answer! (2)

solution101

solution101over a year ago

Answer 11 of 16

The thought of other women come up when,...

The thought of other women come up when, the woman I'm having sex with at the moment is boring.in order for me to stay up and finish ,I would have to think about a woman I've had that did everything that resulted in us having incredible sex !!!

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Black Iris

Black Irisover a year ago

Answer 12 of 16

It's not a sign you should break up with...

It's not a sign you should break up with her. It may be a sign that you're having problems. It could also just be a fantasy.

Instead of worrying about the fantasy, work on your relationship. Try to figure out why the two of you are fighting so much and then work on that.

Great Answer! (2)

angelaoohlahlah

angelaoohlahlahover a year ago

Answer 13 of 16

Women do the same thing. I would hold u...

Women do the same thing. I would hold up before you break up with her over a healthy, typical fantasy. When a couple experiences emotional distress and turmoil outside the bedroom, things NEVER go or feel right and natural inside the bedroom. This is how it always works because in a relationship, an emotional committment evolves and attaches to both partners. It is not that you are in conflict, it is what you two are going to do to resolve the conflict. Personally, if I am in a committed sexual & emotional relationship, I do not even THINK of sex when I am angry or hurt by my partner, let alone actually HAVE the sex. Because it is fruitless, meaningless, and my body literally cannot turn on to my partner because at the moment I cannot trust him for whatever reason which occurred outside the bedroom. So get OUT of the bedroom puuuhlease, for the sake of your long loving relationship, and take the time to actually examine what is going on with you two. To me, this is the problem. Read up on psychologist John Gottman and his ideas about couples in conflict too. He's great!

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the_blossom

the_blossomover a year ago

Answer 14 of 16

Fantasies are great and you should let y...

Fantasies are great and you should let your imagination run wild. I do, and I find that it enhances my erotic experiences. I tend to orgasm faster and fuller. Of course, some discretion is necessary. Personally, I'd refrain from telling my partner that I want to seduce his little sister (for instance). Even though I'm pretty open minded, I'd definitely begrudge you if you told me that you were thinking of another woman.

By the way, after 2 years...women tend to wonder when you will propose to them. Just saying.

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Alias Smith

Alias Smithover a year ago

Answer 15 of 16

Usually when a couple fights there's som...

Usually when a couple fights there's something bugging one or the other deep down inside, try sitting down with you're girlfriend and talking it over before doing anything drastic that you might regret. You're only having thoughts of this other girl because the relationship you're in right now is really just a Relationshit at the moment, and thinking of someone else during sex dosn't mean you're not committed to the person Brooks.

Is the way of the beast, everyone has thoughts of another person from time to time, you cant tell me you've never been doin the vertical tango with you're girl and J-Low pops into you're mind lol.

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brooks0627

brooks0627over a year ago

Answer 16 of 16

means your not commited to the person yo...

means your not commited to the person you love.

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