Approaching Them

Q:

Long lost crush returns.....on facebook?!

So there was this girl that I had a huge crush on back in college. We had some classes together and I used to see her out sometimes on the weekends. We would talk a little, mostly just normal conversation, but a few times it got a little flirtatious. Sadly though nothing ever happened. I think there could've been something there but like the idiot I am....never did anything about it.

After college, she went MIA. I think she moved, stopped using AIM and facebook, and I haven't spoken to or seen her since. Just recently, I was checking facebook, and her profile showed up on my news feed saying "_____ has changed her profile information". Of course I checked it out and found that she had started to become active again on facebook. To make things interesting, the information she had changed was her current city and job. Coincidentally the current city she's living in happens to be about 10 minutes away from where I live, and her work is about 15. I was pretty shocked. Fate?

Anyways..here's my question. I would love to somehow get together with this girl, but my only point of contact with her is facebook, and I definitely don't want to come across as a creepy facebook stalker. I could message her (probably creepy) or write on her wall (probably creepy too) or I could just try to run into her at a nearby (not very probable and if she knew that's what I was doing....REALLY CREEPY).

Keeping in mind that I was never that close with her (we were always more like acquaintances) and we haven't even spoke in 3 years. What should I do?

TheDude


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Thinkr148

Thinkr148over a year ago

Answer 1 of 4

A carefully worded message

Facebook message her, whats the big deal. If she's so stuck up that she thinks it weird then she's the wrong girl anyway.

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Simone de Boudoir

Simone de Boudoirover a year ago

Answer 2 of 4

Send her a message! You have nothing to ...

Send her a message! You have nothing to lose.

Also, I used to date my friend's brother and then we broke up and didn't speak to each other for five/six years and then I was hanging out with his sister and he showed up and we started chatting and the next night, we got together and made with the sexin'. Considering we never slept together when we dated (it was early in high school) and then I slept with him five years later randomly. Totally awesome.

The moral of this story is...send her a message!

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Albedo

Albedoover a year ago

Answer 3 of 4

Just sending her a message is neither ra...

Just sending her a message is neither random nor is it really creepy. She just updated her profile and it says that she lives near you, this makes you contacting her not random.

Facebook is a social network. people are there, primarily, to be social. She is sharing where she is living and working with her "friends". As long as you give her space to ignore you there is nothing wrong with you trying to reestablish contact with her.

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sexpert

sexpertover a year ago

Answer 4 of 4

messaging her on facebook is not creepy....

messaging her on facebook is not creepy. Asking for a date might be pushing it. Get a conversation going. give her an update of what you are up to, tell her that you saw that she was living near you and you thought that was cool. Give her a nice update of what life has been like in the last three years.

There are two reasons for this: One: the length of a person's response is often informed by the length of the message you send. If you send "hi, how are you?" your response (if you get one) will most likely be "fine, and you?" However, if you say that you have been curious as to where she has been, what she has been doing with her career, did she keep in touch with this person, did she get married, have kids, etc, and then list your own answers to these questions, then it's far more likely that she'll respond, and also respond with more information about her.

Two: You want to advertise the good points about yourself. Say how successful you have been after school, whether that be career wise, pursuing interests, buying a home, doing volunteer work, etc. Play yourself up! You are trying to interest her in possibly getting back in touch with you, and maybe, just maybe, going on a date. Put your best foot forward.

You may not feel comfortable sending a long message at first, and this is fine. It seems like you just want to establish non-creepy contact. One way to be less creepy is to talk about yourself, remind her of who you are, and why she liked you in the first place. The second thing you can do is to state your non-creepy intentions. You remember her fondly, and want to know what is new with her. The third thing is to not message her six times in one day if she doesn't answer back. Give her the room to ignore you if she chooses to do so.

Another, more backward route, is to find if you have any mutual friends. Does anyone else know what she has been up to? You could always get information about her, and where she is at in her life through a mutual friend, and find out if she is married, or a lesbian or whatever. It won't provide any real advantage for you, but might make you feel more confident.

Keep us updated.

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