Becoming Single Again
Post break up regret?
I dated this guy over a year ago for a few months and things were great between us, but we were in an LDR which made seeing each other a little difficult. One night after I had gotten back from seeing him (he was 2 hrs away) I called him and asked how his evening went after I'd left and he admitted to hanging out with his exgirlfriend. I tried to let it blow over but couldn't help asking for details and then it came out, that he'd slept with her too. I lost it, I couldn't believe he was being so nonchalant about the whole situation. I refused to answer my phone when he called, deleted him from AIM and Facebook, blocked him so he couldn't contact me. Eventually he sent me a long apology letter explaining how sorry he was but he didn't see why I was so upset bc he'd apologized.
And now, I find out he his engaged to his exgirlfriend. I personally have no regrets, I'm a little baffled by them being engaged so quickly but since our break up he has sent me multiple apology letters. Apologizing for cheating, apologizing for how he handled the situation, apologizing for hurting me, apologizing for not being up front.
My question is, why is he so sorry over something I obviously don't want to discuss? We haven't talked in over a year. He won't stop apologizing. It seems like every few months I have a new apology letter in my email. Especially bc he's now engaged I'm confused by his behavior.
CoolBeans42 days ago
Answer 1 of 2
Sounds like he wants to tie loose ends
He probably wants to tie loose ends. He probably is a good guy who screwed up by cheating on you. Clearly his heart was in another place considering the girl who cheated on you with is now his fiance.
I would guess he's not someone who cheats often or ever (aside the time with you) because someone who makes a routine of cheating probably doesn't let things get at them. Clearly he is a very empathetic person because it's still eating him up inside knowing that he hurt you.
I'm guessing now that he is getting married, he just wants to clear things up. He doesn't want someone out there thinking he's an evil person and hating his guts. A lot of people try to tie loose ends or unburn, burnt bridges when they are about to do something big in their life. For example, when people move far away, get sober, have a kid, get married, get divorced, get famous, become rich, get poor, getting ready to die, etc., etc., etc.
It sparks something within them and they have a realization now that they've matured and are able to look at things form hindsight.
Now that it's been a decent amount of time, I would simply reply next time and let him know you've moved on and although it doesn't change the fact that he hurt you, you can accept he's not truly a bad guy. Congratulate him on his engagement. Considering you've already moved on yourself, it should be easy to just swallow your pride, let the guy rest in peace knowing you don't care anymore, and forget about it all.
Think about it as you not burning bridges with him if that makes it better.
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Strongfp42 days ago
Answer 2 of 2
What goes around comes around...
The title of my answer says it all.
Do I need to add more context to make it any clear?
Basically he is truely sorry for what he did to you, people who treat their Ex poorly after the breakup tend to realize down the road even if they wanted the breakup and KNEW they hurt them that they were either a dick or a bitch, and that they weren't the victim but were more of the greedy one. (Unless of course it was mutual).
As I said before he is just realizing now that the way he treated you was like garbage, he used you and threw you to the curb and probably wants to make amends, now he might have been truely confused about you and him and just didn't have the balls to tell you that you two were just not meant for one another, so instead he was seeing her behind your back.
Accepting his apology is up to you, I cannot make that decision, but if I was in your shoes I'd probably do it thats if you have truely moved on.
