The Importance of Banter

Banter is the basis of flirting; it contains very little “content” or valuable information. Essentially, it’s teasing in a playful way. It's all about just having fun! Banter is a fantastic way to build STRONG attraction quickly. When I banter, it sends the message that I am a person who likes to have fun and do not take things too seriously. It’s also a great way to show a girl that I am not needy. An important thing to remember, however, is that Banter should stop once a girl shows interest in me on a deeper level than flirting.

Neediness is arguably the most unattractive quality in a man. Bantering causes a woman to chase after a man's attention. It also displays a lack of nervousness and inhibition. A man, who can easily banter with a beautiful woman, is a man who is comfortable speaking with and teasing beautiful women. Banter is itself, a demonstration of high social value.

Some examples of banter lines:
- Hey now! I’m not just some piece of meat.
- I’m high maintenance. You gotta wine and dine me!
- You’re adorable, but are you housetrained?
- You are TOO cute! Get outta here!
- OMG! You’re too much! How do they handle you?

All banter must be delivered with a BIG SMILE that shows you are CLEARLY JOKING. I have seen too many guys throw out some ridiculous banter lines with a serious face. Then the girls get offended! No wonder, she took them seriously! Banter is content-less, playful “fluff” that serves one purpose: to instigate attraction! For this reason, banter lines need not be repeated. Let me reiterate that, DO NOT REPEAT BANTER LINES! Repeating meaningless, flirty lines displays low social value. If she asks, “What?” just throw another banter line. Tease her that her ears are too “cute” to hear you. Everything is fun and positive and does not always have to make sense. For example, one of my favorite things to say to tall girls is, “You could probably eat peanuts off my head, huh?” It’s something I heard when I was young that stuck with me. I don’t even know what it means!

The main reason banter builds attraction easily, is because it breaks the state that most people were in and reminds them of what it was like to be a kid again. Banter is about being a little boy, just like when you were in elementary school, running around the playground and teasing the girls. This is no different! For those who are thinking, “Oh, this isn’t me. I could never do that,” please understand that is a limiting belief and it only stems from deep-rooted feelings of inferiority. You CAN do this! Like any skill, it takes practice to become good at bantering.

Practice bantering with yourself in the mirror, or with a friend. It will most likely feel awkward at first, but how do you expect to banter with a beautiful girl if you can’t do it with a close friend? With experience, it will become very natural and you’ll be bantering with everyone like it’s your job!

I asked my friend, Kevin Salas, formerly with the Art of Charm to help me out in writing this post. He's recently been made famous by the Pickup Podcast ( ), for his skills in building quick, SOLID attraction. Here is what he had to add:

It's gratifying to know that I can flirt with any woman I so choose. Understanding banter allowed for that and many other things to happen. Being able to banter in the first stage of an interaction allows people to feel comfortable around you and open up to you with a lot more invested attraction. I even noticed bantering with the women in my family allowed for more fun and dynamic conversations. When my sister would come home and I'd say "Hey, how was your day?", she would ignore me. Yet, if I said "Hey remember that time you promise me you'd give me back my favorite bunny slippers?", we would get into an hour long conversation and she would be more than happy to talk about her day. This is useful for all and every interactions you have but, why is this important in attracting women?

Just understand that in demonstrating high value, Body Language and Touch are your biggest tools for generating attraction. All that is left is the verbal content. Bantering is strictly no content conversation. If you banter with a woman everything attractive will be demonstrated through your body language. Since you really are not saying anything (Bantering) your attractive body language will be read and she will be instantly attracted to you. Banter allows time to pass without you investing anything into the interaction. You are not trying to impress her or jump into rapport too quickly like they expect you to. Bantering forces you to be in the moment and creates quick wit. Unlike routines it allows you to calibrate much quicker since you can actually choose to listen to what she has to say or out-frame her. Ultimately the beginning of any interaction is intense and by bantering you break the tension through laughter.

Since communication is more than half transferred through Body Language then what you say truly does not matter. The less content the better. That's why bantering is your best bet in creating attraction out of thin air. Demonstrating High Value is just that. Demonstrating not Conversating. Trying to verbally convince someone how much of a badass you are can get some people laid. Yet, the people who are extremely good at this are able to date women not because of what they do or who they know. Instead they get what they want because of HOW they are. If you were such a badass you wouldn't have to talk about it.

This can be a 3 hour lecture yet, what most guys don't understand is this. Bantering doesn't make any sense. It's emotional. Meaning it's not logical. You can say your banter line "I'm not a piece of meat" and I can say "You're totally cute...We can go back and forth with our banter lines and that's what a banter conversation would sound like.

Does that make sense?...Nope it makes dollars

My Favorite Banter Lines are:
"Oh my god you girls are so totally cute"
"Get out of here, don't look at me like that, I know what you're thinking"
"Stop, stop being so cute, why don't you frown or something"

Kyle Miracle

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Kyle Miracle

Kyle Miracleover a year ago

*Oops!* That link to the podcast did not work. Here's the right one:


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